It’s such a clever notion and it’s so true. For me, I’ve gathered friends along the path of life in the same haphazard way I’ve gathered clothing. In my early years, my mother chose them for me and then I picked up a few in school, mainly because we were in the same place at the same time. Naturally I ended up with the ones that were the best fit for me but that doesn’t always make it a good choice. As I got older, my tastes became more sophisticated and so I chose a more sophisticated type of friend, but seriously? This from a woman who obsessed over ankle warmers and shoulder pads?? Now, looking back, I have to question my ability to choose clothing. So were my friendship choices any better?
The thing is, we pick friends because maybe they make us laugh, or we just like them. But sometimes we’re thrown into friendships as Popsy and Sandra were in my new book – Wellesley Wives.
Their husbands were business partners and so the women ended up together. In the story, it worked out fine. In fact they were incredibly well matched and supportive but that’s not always the case in the real world. If your kid brother marries an absolute Bi***, what can you do? I say, walk away. Keep toxic friends at a distance. They’re incredibly dangerous. Naturally, you can’t make it too obvious. I’m not suggesting a melodramatic exit in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner (although that would be a talking point for years) but keeping your distance outside of family gatherings would be wise.
Why have friends you don’t like? If they bring you down — lose ’em. There’s a woman I know and every time we meet, she’s telling me about how her best friend has her heart broken. I’ve told her to ‘break up,’ but she won’t. Is there something I’m missing? Maybe secretly she gets something out of the relationship? Maybe they both drag each other down? I don’t understand that.
The true-friend test is pretty straight forward. When you’ve spent some time with a particular person, do you feel better or worse? It the sky is a little brighter, your mood is a bit lighter and generally things don’t seem so bad. If it’s a yes, you got a good friend. HOWEVER if – after you’ve met somebody – you’re feeling frustrated, annoyed and downright fed up, avoid meeting them again. They’re no friend. It’s funny that we women are such creatures of habit and so loyal that we stay with people who are doing us emotional harm. Think about stepping back and taking a long hard look at your friends. You’ll be glad you did and for pity’s sake, keep away from the ankle warmers!!
Wishing you all the best and lots of love,