I received this book for free from in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
The Escape Diaries
on December 10, 2012 and has 294 pages.
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First in The Escape Diaries* I’ve learned that it’s the Love and Life on the Lam romance series. This story is set mostly in Milwaukee.
* I’m guessing that Escape Diaries is the name of the series and that Love and Life on the Lam is the title.
The publisher has provided this story ARC.
My Take
LMAO, boob fighting?? This story was just too funny. A few weird bits, but on the whole, yeah, I’d buy this. It’s just too funny, and I’m already wanting to re-read bits of it.
How dumb is Mazie that she never insisted on having the tape analyzed? She knew it wasn’t her, so why not look for clues that would prove that?
Nah, I’m not buying Rosetti’s excuse as to why Dumbo, I mean, Mazie, is taking off on Labeck. It’s an excuse for drama. Although, it does open things wide for even greater and more terrifying adventures!
Okay, enough bitching, I really loved the characters Rosetti created. The good guys were an interesting mix of a handsome, handy Canuck, a Magenta from The Rocky Horror Show, and a couple of bright high school kids up for a lark. The bad guys were clichéd boss and his minions, although that mother-in-law. Oh. My. God. How has she managed to keep from being clapped up? I sure hope Purvis goes hog wild in the bitch’s house.
Muffin “wiggled his way onto my lap and we had a petting fest for a while. I swear he purred.
‘This is all the further I’m willing to go until we’re married,’ I told him.”
What is her problem?? She’s being stalked by two killers and she keeps yelping!
I think my favorite aspect of this story was the way Rosetti kept it honest and real-world even as she sprinkled in the crazy, whacked-out mother-in-law and her nutso dogs. Go Muffin! I just wanted to take Muffin home with me, poor thing. I would like to know how Mumsy felt about the true killer of her beloved idiot boy.
As for the Kopp’s, naw, I’d go with Leon’s custard any day of the week!
The Story
A sudden tornado provides Mazie with an escape route out of Taycheedah Prison in Wisconsin. Yup, life in prison teaches one all sorts of life skills, and Mazie keeps everyone’s tips in mind as she lies, cheats, and steals her way into discovering the truth behind her husband’s murder.
Of course, she does have a bit of help. The photojournalist who’s been keeping tabs on her. The cousin and his friend who are part of the Mazie-mania fan club. Seems Luis was a practical-minded man with an eye to the future and his target is determined to prevent any hint from leaking.
An after-dinner burial, a baseball game, and locker-smashing at the pickle factory are just some of Mazie’s madcap adventures as she pieces the truth together with just a little help from her friends.
The Characters
Margarita “Mazie” Maguire Vonnerjohn trusted, wrongly, in the system to find the real killer of her scumbag, cheatin’ husband, Kip. Michael and Edith Maguire are her parents living in an assisted living facility in Florida while her brothers, Brendan and Jimmy, run the family farm.
Sterling Habenmacher was her lawyer; recommended to her by Kip’s cousin, Senator Stanford T. Brenner. Mazie’s most enthusiastic supporter throughout her trial.
Kip Vonnerjohn had a job with his mother’s family’s brewery in Milwaukee. Prentice Stogemore was the other woman. Freda Schmerhorn was Kip’s secretary. Must have been a cushy job for her; she’s paying for it now. Vanessa Brenner Vannerjohn is Kip’s snotty, whacked-out mother; Purvis Jackson is her housekeeper. Muffin, Tufty, and Snookums are the shih tzu-bichon frises-from-hell.
Betty Winkler is the sweet lady who picks “Dorothy” up outside the woods. Wanda Kronenwatter deserves to have her van stolen. Norbert Lautenbacher captures her with visions of manure spreaders dancing through his head.
U.S. Deputy Marshal Irving Katz is the fed assigned to bring her back. Kim Jong Il and General Custer, a.k.a., Hemmings and Lor (or Lor and Hemmings??) are the Janitors. The clean-up crew who tidy up messes. They are not nice men.
Manitoba Moose, a.k.a., Bonaparte Labeck, is one of the camera crew for Action 13. Bob is his cameraman buddy. Peter Plifka is Channel 13’s anchorman and a bit of a dimwit. “Magenta“, a.k.a., Howard Pfluge, is one of Labeck’s best friends and a fellow Canadian.
Luis Ruiz is Miguel’s brother and he’s seeking vengeance. Eduardo is Constanza Arguello‘s son and Luis’ cousin; Rico is his best friend and they’re both in high school.
The Cover and Title
The cover is great and it would have been even better if it had been the blonde Mazie all dressed up in her silver floor-length gown with the tuxedo’d Boney instead of the red-head with the pearl-encrusted, low-backed red dress. I do like the humongous handcuffs she’s hiding behind her back!
Only Mazie could live out that made-for-TV-fantasy of Love and Life on the Lam, and it’s so much better than prison.
Okay, so it’s actually The Escape Diaries. I’ll guess, at this late date, that Mazie has “written” this as part of her memoirs.
