I received this book for free from my own shelves in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
Source: my own shelves
Sucks To Be Me
by
Kristen Painter
paranormal fantasy in a Kindle edition that was published by Sugar Skull Books on February 16, 2020 and has 380 pages.
Explore it on Goodreads or Amazon
Other books by this author which I have reviewed include Blood Rights, Flesh and Blood, Bad Blood, Out for Blood, Last Blood, House of the Rising Sun, City of Eternal Night, Garden of Dreams and Desires, Miss Frost Solves a Cold Case, All Fired Up, "Prologue to The Vampire's Mail Order Bride", The Vampire's Mail Order Bride, The Werewolf Meets His Match, The Gargoyle Gets His Girl, The Professor Woos the Witch, The Vampire's Fake Fiancée, The Shifter Romances the Writer, "The Witch's Halloween Hero", The Dragon Finds Forever, The Vampire's Accidental Wife, The Reaper Rescues the Genie, The Detective Wins The Witch, The Vampire's Priceless Treasure, The Werewolf Dates the Deputy, "When Birdie Babysat Spider", Miss Frost Ices the Imp, Miss Frost Saves the Sandman, Miss Frost Cracks a Caper, Miss Frost Braves the Blizzard, "The Werewolf's Christmas Wish", The Vampire's Cursed Kiss, Her First Taste of Fire, The Trouble With Witches, Moody and the Beast, The Vampire's Sunny Sweetheart, Miss Frost Chills the Cheater, Lost in Las Vegas, Wrapped Up in Christmas, Mystified in Music City, A Sky Full of Stars, Suck It Up Buttercup, The Forgettable Miss French, Sucker Punch, The Suck Stops Here, Nixed in New Orleans, Miss Frost Says I Do and Spider Too, The Witch's Christmas Catastrophe
First in the First Fangs Club paranormal fantasy series and revolving around Donna Barrone, a mafioso’s new widow.
My Take
This was so much fun to read! I thought it must be a 200-some page-long novel since I read it so fast, but it’s longer. Who knew? There is such love and support in this, which makes it a nice balance to the mobster life. Yeah, the love is over the top, but hey, it sure was fun! It certainly made that scary trial fun.
Donna’s name is right on, Belladonna, a poisonous plant, lol? Oh, yeah, Painter is using third person protagonist point-of-view from Donna’s perspective.
One underlying theme that I both envied and thought was a pain, was how important it was for Donna to always look very put together. It reflected on Joe’s ability to provide, his success. It was practically a full-time job for Donna! Oy. It also led to a lot of nasty one-upmanship amongst the other wives. Another repeating theme is Donna’s concerns about making up for her husband’s ill-gotten gains.
One of the “positives” was that her children knew the truth about their father and did their best to keep their distance. It certainly makes life easier for Donna! Another benefit is all that Donna learned about behaving in public — it comes in so handy later on, lol.
The life Donna describes is dreadful; I don’t know how she’s survived this long. The men act so entitled! And rude! Donna has also been (and still is) pretty naive. My first thought about that last job Big Tony sent her on was set-up.
Why Claudette thought Donna would immediately grasp her change in life, I do not know. It was pretty funny how Donna “interpreted” the events that followed the incident in the cemetery. But, really, what would you do? Vampires aren’t real.
I did enjoy the dichotomy of Donna being turned into a vampire and her being such a good Catholic. I also envied, somewhat, the other changes that benefit Donna. No more dieting! Painter also made it easy to be a vampire with Donna being able to eat anything she likes, besides blood. Francine makes some excellent points as well! It certainly makes that transition from omigod to hey easier.
Pierce’s behavior is kind of weird. He’s a successful criminal defense lawyer and yet so submissive towards Donna. And he sure knows a lot about vampires. It’s also odd that while Donna isn’t supposed to tell anyone she’s a vampire, she’s blabbing it all over the place.
I think Painter could have elaborated on Claudette’s character. I didn’t think she was so bad, especially in light of Donna’s behavior toward her. Then again, Claudette should have been more attentive. She had to have known what Donna’s reaction would be!
It’s action and it’s a great cast of characters that will tense you up and make you laugh.
The Story
After twenty-seven years married to a mobster, Donna is carefully holding in her jubilation at being free. Free! That insurance check can’t come soon enough, as Donna intends to escape and move to Florida.
Then the boss tells her that she has to complete her husband’s last job before that freedom is truly hers.
No big deal, she figures. Until things go south in ways she never imagined.
The Characters
Belladonna “Donna” Barrone is the new widow of Joe Barrone, Big Tony’s second-in-command. Her children include Joe Jr who’s in the Air Force and a first lieutenant and Christina who is in college. Lucky is their cat. Camille “Cammie” is known these days as Sister Mary Lazarus Immaculata.
Anthony “Big Tony” Villachi is married to the mean, insecure Lucinda, Joe’s sister. Nero is their Chihuahua mix dog who is always getting dressed up. Other mobsters, lunks, included Bobbie the Bull Gambisto, the Vallachi’s cleaner, and his wife, Rosaenlla; Vinnie Positano; Nick; Franco; Turo Sanudo; Sam Doria; and, Albert Moran. Other wives included Teresa DePalma and Maria Zapatti.
The FBI
Special Agent Rico Medina, a.k.a. Martin’s Cleaners, is with Organized Crime and Donna’s handler. Agent Kowalski will come in to help. Marlene is the battle-axe of a receptionist.
Claudette Martine is the vampire governor of New Jersey. Raul was her rogue child. The Immortus Concilio is a seven-member group who oversee vampire activity. The almost 1500-year-old Artemis is Claudette’s sire and the vampire queen of North America as well as Zenos’ daughter. Florian and Heath are Artemis’ assistants while Marcus is her deputy.
The First Fangs Club is . . .
. . . a support group for newly turned vampires. A third-level empath runs it. The eighty-something Francine Werther is a hoot! (Artie, a movie producer, had been her third husband.) Lionel is the nice young musician to whom Francine rented her basement apartment. Neo is a computer geek with a cybersecurity business. The world-famous model, Meghan. LaToya. The empty-headed Bunni Escobar is a fangirl. Sergio is Bunni’s jerk of a now-ex boyfriend.
Dr Ursula “La” Goldberg, a.k.a. Doc, is Donna’s therapist, and the only person Donna can be open with. Father Leonardo presided over Joe’s funeral Mass. Tressler’s is an ice cream parlor. Wegman’s is Donna’s favorite grocery store. My Closet! Lol, such a useful name for a clothing store, so when your husband asks where that came from, you can truthfully say “my closet”. Sister Agnes Magdalena and Sister Grace are fellow nuns. A den is a vampire sleeping spot. Lifeline and Lakewood Consumer Products are blood subscription services. Redline, Deep Six, Kiss Club, and Crimson are vampire pubs/clubs. Marcus, a werewolf, is a bouncer at Redline while Caroline is a hostess. Hector and Pierce Hamilton, a lawyer, are blood donors at Redline. Meridian is a great restaurant.
Russian mobsters
Boris Reznikov is the boss. Yuri Lukin is a very rude lunk who gets an unpleasant comeuppance. For him.
The Cover and Title
The cover is a range of blues from the deepest navy to a grayed light blue. It’s perfect for the darkness of Donna’s life, who is portrayed in the near upper right in a long red coat with her long brown hair trailing down her back, looking out over the river to the lit-up New York skyline. A night scene, there’s a full moon shedding light on everything. Front and center is a huge gravestone with a classic carved frame, scalloped on the top, with the title in a fancy script. The bottom is wreathed in ivy and fairy lights. Below it is an info blurb in white with the author’s name in an embossed turquoise below that. Going back up to the top is the series information in a pale turquoise with a red horizontal rule behind it, that ends on each end with spear points.
The title reflects Donna’s feelings about being a mobster’s wife, it Sucks To Be Me.
